Procrastination in the Name of Success

Every January I think that this will be the year that I'll start a blog, or write great meditations, or create a column about something timely and clever, and every January I clean closets, and fold clothes and make soup, and find one reason after another why I don't have the time.  The truth is, I'm not any busier than anybody else, and most of what I find to busy myself with takes the form of filler in order to provide me with excuses.  I'm not sure why I persist - it's not that I have anything particularly impactful or timely to say - I'm pretty ordinary, and not overly insightful - I just like to write, and completing something - a letter, this entry, an essay - anything - gives me such a nice feeling of satisfaction. Why don't I want to replicate that? Back up  - I do want to replicate it; the more relevant question is, why do I avoid it? Why do I avoid anything challenging? I read something interesting yesterday in my new book cub book (The Family Fang, by Kevin Wilson).  One of the characters said something to the effect of "it's the things you want most to avoid that make you feel the greatest when you actually do them".  My immediate response was - 'not'. Once i make it over a good number of those hurdles, what i  mostly feel is relieved and exhausted - sometimes surprised. I do like discovering that I'm competent - that I can do 'the things I fear most', as Eleanor Roosevelt once said - I'm just not sure that the stress and tension leading up to the moment of accomplishment are really worth it. Maybe they are - I'm just not sure. This is something I'm going to have to think about.